Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Plastic or no plastic that is the question...

Summer heat…outside café’s and pubs, villages and cities are competing against each other in order to be the prettiest village or the prettiest city street…Well village in bloom is dead in the UK, no water, the krauts have nicked it…it is now make a Cotswolds Village look like a bloody African Village competition…No worries for me...I have no hosepipe ban, no water meter, a swimming pool and a pond in the garden which is the size of a swimming pool 40,000 litres give and take…and my lawns are lush and green, take that Mr Schnabelwasser…! Plus my English water company is rebating me cause they fiddled the books so my water is dirt cheap….

However something caught my eye lately and it is from Sweden, but I think it should be carried over here to the UK. This is a story about Ediths Cakeshop in Simrishamn, Southern Sweden. Their licence to serve outdoor on the side of the street has been withdrawn because?
They are using plastic garden furniture and the council does not think it is not pretty enough and has asked them to replace all plastic white garden chairs and tables with wooden furniture…

Great! Finally someone apart from me have discovered the decay we have in taste and I wish for Tony and Gordon to take note and a central law which outlaws plastic garden furniture…why? You might ask…Save the environment? No way Jose…

Let me tell you;

People who only have plastic garden furniture are to insensitive to their neighbours and will have an unkempt garden.
They are more than likely to be extremely white with a dash of red, and no sun tan, overweight and should not be seen in public.
Their BBQ, which will be cheap, will be filled with Lidl or ASDA sausages and burgers and make a foul fatty smell when they try to burn them.
They will not know about marinades and wines.
You are more likely to hear, “Wayne pass me a carling will you, matey?” rather than “John, another glass of Pimms?”
When you sit at those plastic chairs in shorts they pinch your arse so it looks like you have had a game with Miss Wiplash when going to bed…

So there we are, plastic furniture is ugly, cheap and downmarket and anyone with any sense would not have them in their house. My brother who sells hardwood and my friend Keith who supplies this country with Scandinavian imported timber agrees…and so do my local Teakwood supplier…

Do I have any plastic furniture…cause I do, stacked up in the garage for when Wayne comes to visit, don’t want the boy not to feel at home do we…!


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