Thursday, July 26, 2007

Mad dogs and Englishmen

Deluge…in mythology, a great flood as an act of retribution to destroy civilisation…or as the Environment Agency says, once every 200 years…which would clearly discount the great flood of 1947…well what would they know anyway?

What I cannot understand is the explanations why it was flooded? Everyone is looking at the adverse weather conditions, climate change as the reasons. The Telegraph is even going as far as claiming that we are stuck with Sweden’s weather…rubbish…if that was the case why is my brother sunning himself and lighting the “Barbie” when I am trying to buy a canoe…

The fact is that whilst flooding occurs when the rivers rise, they burst their banks and water goes onto a floodplain which soaks the water up. Now when the rivers burst their banks the water ends up in Mrs Jones front garden because she so wanted to buy that affordable home with a river view…tarmac and concrete as we know are pretty bad in soaking up water. I have some 500sqm of tarmac at my property which is served by three…yes three tiny drains…so when you get 140mm of rain per sqm in one hour, it is going to be difficult to remove it. I have of course ensured that I have “run off areas”, in to paddocks and fields which solves the problem, for how long I don’t know, if the government follows John “Two Jags” Prescott’s plan I will wake up one morning with 400 Mrs Jones squealing in my back garden because her begonias are swamped…It is not brain surgery it is bloody common sense…

Today after riots settled at Tesco’s car park in Quedgeley, Gloucestershire, The Greatest Britain, during a water distribution session, one local who is 91 and fought in WWII put it home to us “I once went 5 days without water in Burma, and I have seen men go mad from thirst”…well I am sure had health and safety not closed the pubs down, due to inability to flush the loos, the country would have been a bit calmer…perhaps when Gordon Brown’s 15,000 portable toilets arrive we will see a difference…I am sure we will be able to smell it…

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