Wednesday, February 28, 2007

High speed high stakes...


There is always a story to tell when there is a Ferrari involved in a high speed police chase and this one is of course not different. Well the ending might be, but let’s wait and see.

Southern Sweden, Ängelhom, a policeman gets a call after quite a few truckers and drivers have spotted two Ferraris on the motorway doing “incredible” speeds and driving dangerously. So in order to prevent an accident he sets out with his colleagues in unmarked policecars and takes up the chase. The Police could not keep up with them as the two Ferraris were driving in excess speeds of 180 mph (300km/h). So our Mr policeman calls ahead and blocks the motorway.

Once the motorway comes to a standstill the two drivers of the Ferraris turn around and start driving back on the same stretch of road now facing oncoming traffic, when the policeman spots them, they drive at him side by side so he tries to block their path using his unmarked police car. One of the Ferraris hit the police car but as it is not badly damaged continues on, in high speed.

Once off the motorway the two Ferraris split up and our brave policeman had to pick one of them to follow. The chase which followed was frightening, with no respect for other vehicles or road users, the Ferrari needed to be stopped and quickly before a serious accident happened.

Our man in blue, managed to get up alongside the Ferrari, as it headed back out on the motorway, and pushed it into the central reservation wedging it under the steel barrier.

When the driver was asked why he didn’t stop and accepted a fine for speeding he simply answered “yes that was pretty stupid wasn’t it?”

The story hit quite a few local papers as you can imagine and you would think that this would be the end of it, but hey no not at all, not in this health and safety conscious world we live in…

Adding a letter to his defence, the driver told the court that he was “unaware” that the pursuing unmarked police car was in fact a police car, well anyone could install blue lights at the front of the car and by a siren, he thought that they were car-jackers or robbers hence his hasty escape procedure…

The result of this letter has caused the Swedish Crown Prosecution to start an investigation into the following charges against the policeman;

Serious misconduct of a senior officer
Dangerous driving
Potential cause of harm to other road users

The Policeman is now retired, could lose his pension if found guilty and it should be noted that both the Ferrari drivers have previous convictions of dangerous driving…welcome to my world…

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Breaker, Breaker...


One should not laugh but sometimes it is impossible…There has been a lot of discussion about driving. With hands free phones, eating snacks whilst driving, talking to the kids, watching DVD’s??...well I can see that one being a bit complicated. There are also discussions about who causes the most accidents? Boy racers, women, men or the elderly…most of the time people say the elderly as they are getting forgetful, eyesight is going and the reactions are not what they used to be…

Well sometime they are right and sometimes completely wrong, but do spare a thought for this elderly couple in Southern Sweden who two weeks ago ended up in hospital, not because of their driving but because they were…how shall we put it…a bit muddled…

Our story begins when the couple, an 89 year old man and his 83 year old wife, visited their daughter in the southern University Town of Lund, also known for its excellent University hospital, which proved handy. When they were due to return home, a short 30 minutes drive, the car would not start. They called a breakdown truck that arrived promptly and after a short investigation it was decided that the car would be hoisted up on the truck and taken to a garage near their home.

Note, that in Sweden, you can still sit in your vehicle when being transported by a breakdown truck, so when they arrived at their destination, being the repair garage, the couple forgot that they were 1 meter (3 foot 3 inches) up in the air on the back of a breakers truck and both of them open their doors simultaneously and stepped out. The fell 1 meter down and slammed hard into the ground.

The driver of the truck did not notice the commotion at first; it was not until he looked in the mirrors that he spotted the right hand door (passenger door as the car is left hand drive in Sweden) was open. Shortly thereafter he heard someone screaming and saw one of the elderly flat on the ground by the truck’s wheels…but it was too late, by then he had reversed over the foot of the old man.

The couple was transported, this time in ambulance, back to the town where their journey started, to the hospital. The 89 year old man is reported to have suffered head and face injuries and several fractures on his left foot. His 83 year old wife received a broken arm and four broken ribs…

In understand that the couple are on the road to recovery…

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Monday, February 26, 2007

Great Britain at the Top


I have been getting some stick about my negativity towards The Greatest Britain from friends and relatives. Things aren’t that bad in the UK, it is not all about doom and gloom and how the government are failing in their responsibility, increasing congestion charge and in general being incompetent.

I did respond that this is what I hear and read and I cannot change the facts as they stand, however as a good will gesture I am going to take time out and look for something which in which The Greatest Britain comes top, not looking at teen pregnancies, fuel taxes, number of speed cameras etc…no this was going to be something in which the Greatest Britain can be proud of and say to their friends down the Hatch and Barrel over a pint of Bombardier…did you hear that we are…

Not only did I manage to find something which The Greatest Britain tops but it also beat Sweden fair and square…

An international poll has taken place by the worlds leading expert on cities and countries. By asking some 30,000 people in 35 countries what they think about their nation in relation to a variety of areas, such as sport, export, culture, tourism. This has then created a brand index in which The Greatest Britain is top! Great Britain is the world’s favourite nation’s brand, beating Germany in second, Italy third, Sweden 7th and the USA a measly 9th…

Great Britain scored well in the categories of Export, Culture and Tourism. British people are however seen as unfriendly and cold…A mixture of old and new culture and the country is seen as important but not threatening???

Sweden in return is seen as honest, exciting because of its design, fashion and creativity. Brands such as Ikea, Volvo and Absolut Vodka are at the top but the Swedes are lacking a bit of culture but has a lot of sex appeal…
So there we are hats off to The Greatest Britain stand up be proud and be counted….

Friday, February 16, 2007

Shot to kill or teach to kill...?



A year ago I was at a communion in Twickenham; our friends’ son had his first communion. At the party afterwards sitting in garden having a few beers we spoke to one of their friends who is a DCI in Peckham who told us about some horrific incidents which he has encountered in his district. Now a year later these stories are becoming news items as three young kids have been shot and killed in his district.

It is therefore on my mind as our friends are coming to stay at the Barn over the weekend, to build some vegetable beds from railways sleepers, and as he is with the Royal Protection Squad I am sure the discussion is going to move into the shooting of the kids in Peckham…plus other crimes…

It has been a bad week if you are a kid in the Greatest Britain…first we ended up 21st in the world of the league of child welfare by the UN, then without knowledge some 21 year old raped and killed his 2 year old niece at her home (it is alleged) and now three black kids has been shot in and around Peckham…not the kind of stuff you see in travel brochures is it? Come to the Greatest Britain but do not expect to leave in one piece…

In all of the media hype I am wondering how parents, to all victims, perpetrators; feel about their kids and what we do to ensure that the bad apples are taken off the street.

If my kid came home with a gun and wanting to play with the Wii on my 37” Plasma I would hit him…I would also boil his underpants and force him to wear them to school, with a tattoo in his forehead saying I am a right d**khead…
I would speak to my neighbours and ensure that they know that my kid is the one wearing a yellow vest saying I am “Cleaning up the neighbourhood from rubbish cause I am BAD”
If my kid had a tag I would BOLT him to the kitchen telling him when he can cook all meals out of Jamie’s latest cookbook I would release him…with a frying pan attached to his foot…

I would not spank him as I am sure he would enjoy it…the bastard

I believe NOTHING is done…and parents are too soft…did I say that earlier?

Parents are blaming the government and the government is blaming the parents and whilst all of this is going on, health and safety believes that they are right as they are backed by the Human rights act…

We shall not and will not offend anyone in any way, infringe, attack or cease any activities which might inflict on another human rights…

BOLLOCKS

If we were tough on the kids they would understand respect…if we gave the police powers to arrest and detain criminals…plus gave the courts the rights to convict and ensure deportation was in place…holding parents responsible for the acts of their children, and finally allowing each human the right of being responsible for his own actions we would go a long way…

Before you start telling me that I am racist, against homosexuals and hate immigration, you should know that I have adopted and African child (14 years ago) drive my wife’s car a 306 convertible, which is soo gay, and being an immigrant and ethnic minority in the UK I believe that I can make myself clear…and loud…for the majority…

I am so tired hearing excuses for the decline and the problems in society and the non responsibility of parents, blaming skin colour and ethnic background as an excuse for non action. Guns and gun crime is non colour and sexual orientation…a bullet will kill you whatever you background is…it is the beholder of the gun who makes the decision…

So I therefore call on all citizens of the Greatest Britain to arm the police force…like in Sweden… (2nd on the list of child welfare by the way) to shoot to kill, and finally allow courts the right to sentence people according to the crime…

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Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Pink Cadillac in your drive?


Who is allowed to use the word gay nowadays? I know for sure that anyone who is heterosexual is not allowed to use it and if you do…you’ll get your wrist slapped. I watched the latest episode of Top Gear, now here is a Motley Crew which frequently misuses words, and they drove from Miami to New Orleans in some pretty cheap cars ($1,000 each), setting themselves up for ridicule along the way…in other words a normal Top Gear programme. The beauty of Top Gear is that it does exactly “what it says on the tin”…

One part of their journey was driving through Alabama, strong republican, right wing; sort of don’t mess with the hicks’ kind of town. They painted slogans on their cars in order to see the reaction from the locals…slogans included “Hilary Clinton for President”, “Country and Western music sucks” and finally “Man-Love” on a pick up truck, in pink…then at a petrol stop in deepest South they were stoned by the locals…

I sat back and laughed together with the other 6 million viewers telling Mrs E that tomorrow will bring a lot of complaints from the viewers. But how wrong I was…so far I have not seen a single complaints regarding the episode in question but I did find a complaint against the show regarding a different episode…I know that is not very difficult as they receive at least one complaint for every episode, which is broadcast…why don’t people just switch off rather than sitting there and complain about a programme they don’t like?

So here is the complaint I found on the BBC complaints website

Four viewers complained about a remark in which Jeremy Clarkson referred to a particular car was “gay” which they took being derogatory use of a term for homosexual people…The Executive producer of Top Gear has reminded the presenters and the production team of the importance of avoiding derogatory references to sexual orientation….

What?

Why is it that gay people can call other gay people, gay but heterosexual’s can’t use the term? So I decided to go and have a look if cars are promoted to be gay or not and to, the four viewers who complained, it should come a huge surprise that gay businesses, people trading on the pink pound are using the term referring to cars all the time.

The website About Gay have a list presenting the top gayest cars of 2006;

Gay Professional car - BMW 5 series

Best car for Gay new family - Saab 9-5 Wagon

Best Dragwagon - Kia Sorento

Most likely Down Low Cruiser - Chevrolet Impala

Best Twinkmobile - Mini Cooper

Car Talk have a webpage dedicated to The Ultimate Gay and Lesbian Cars, Gay Wheels claim to be a gay friendly automotive source, whatever that is…

So again with new laws being hammered out by this ever protective government, laws should be for everyone including gays, so get off you high Brokeback Mountain Horse and let us all have a share of the pink pound…and do not forget to laugh every now and then…

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Monday, February 12, 2007

Chaos....what chaos?


So finally the snow has disappeared and we are getting back to normal again. It has been a difficult week in the Greatest Britain, some 2,000 schools closed, disrupting work for thousands of parents and companies. The kids did not complain as they had one day of snow in which they could play. On Friday last week the snow melted and the kids were told not to come to school because it was unsafe for them at the playground. Yes the children can play sliding down hills in plastic bin bags but they cannot go to school as the school is worried that the little darlings fall over. Also it would be very intesreting to find out how many of the schools which closed, for health and safety reason, have an annual skiing trip?

In addition to the schools we had 6 airports, which shut down for the day, something which baffles me, how come an international airport like Stansted cannot shift 5 centimetres of snow from the runways? Where are all of fees for flying going, not on some tractors with snowploughs that’s for sure…

Then we had the trains, delayed because the points got a bit chilly, traffic grinding to a standstill and news organisations sent their prettiest people out in the snow with winter clothing which would make an Artic explorer proud.

Then inevitably they had to say that “it is treacherous”, the roads are “horrible”, stay indoors do not venture out.

Switch to the supermarket and some gormless gnome was being interviewed in the isle stocking up on milk and bread…he added his wisdom, that it is better to stock up as we don’t know when we will be able to get to the store again…please give me strength…it’s a couple of inches of snow and it will last 48 hours tops…and the temperature which was shown on he weather map in ICEBLUE colour dropped to an amazing -2 centigrade, enough to freeze your birdbath…

So I put another log on the fire and flicked on my laptop (surprised that I still had electricity, because of the adverse weather conditions) and found an article in the Swedish Newspaper Expressen.

A Mr. Göte Jakobsson, age 62, was interview for the newspaper about the current cold snap. Mr Jakobsson said that taking the dog for a walk was a bit nippy. The temperature in the village of Vajmat in Sweden dropped to minus 40.7 degrees centigrade (-41.3 degrees Fahrenheit).

Asked if he thought it was cold he calmly said; well now when I go out I have to put on proper winter clothes…that my friends, is how we deal with adverse weather…

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Sunday, February 04, 2007

Turkey supper cancelled? Not in my house...


It was inevitable, it was meant to happen, no looking back we knew we were going to be infected…yes H5N1 or bird flu as it is commonly known has hit the Greatest British shores.

I was only yesterday taking out my Turkey from the freezer...no I am not kidding. I took it out on Friday night to defrost for a bit of Turkey get together with the family on Sunday…not just any Turkey this one is born and bred in Norfolk…cause it says so on the package…Norfolk Turkey from Bernard Matthews…Bootiful…

I could not have planned it myself better, I needed to empty my second freezer for a clean out and there was “Big Bird” staring at me saying me, please, me, cook me and I decided what the heck…I don’t need Easter or Christmas or even Thanksgiving to roast a Turkey so I called the daughter and her bird loving boyfriend, asked them to come around on Sunday for a roast…what’s for dinner said the daughter? Turkey…yum she answered, with stuffing and all the trimmings…of course was my response…

Now I wake up in the morning, only to find BBC helicopters almost crashing into Sky News helicopters on the news, and my “Bernard the Turkey” is defrosted, yes it was frozen why else would I take it out of the freezer to clean it out? I have a daughter, who never looks at the news, unless it is included in a television sitcom, she asks if the Turkey is sick?

Faced with the question and not wanting to frighten my daughter to become a vegetarian living on pine nuts for the rest of her life I said, sick is not the right word…it is dead, was my prompt answer.

But does it have bird flu?

Well I answered, hard to tell but most likely yes, it went into the freezer without clothing or feathers just a small sheet of plastic for protection and since it is pretty cold in that particular freezer flu could be quite possible…

Dad…did it look sick? Well you could say so...it has no head and the neck, heart and some other small bits are shoved up its arse, in a plastic bag, so you could say that it looked sick…

That is it…We will not eat the Turkey, was the reply…

Now here I am cooking a fancy lunch of Turkey and all the trimmings and just because some 150,000 Turkeys was met with a premature death in Suffolk (mine is from Norfolk) doesn’t mean that you are going to get sick or that my bird is infected…I bought it well before Christmas as I did not know how many people we were having for Christmas dinner, so the likelihood is that the bird snuffed it from 240 volts rather than some strain of Avian Flu, the Asian version…

But here we are miles away from the infected area and I have to defend MY Turkey from investigation…

Well I am going to cook it, eat it and if necessary force feed the family with it for three days, as tradition is, and then I am going to go out and see the price drop and buy some more…