Thursday, September 20, 2007

The lowest ebb...


Struggling lately with finding the right reasons for giving up the Greatest Britain and there today suddenly it came to me, via a report from the TGBBC or as it is now known “The Greatest Britain Broadcasting Corporation”. In this particular case it was not about “false reporting” or via “phone-ins” where the public was duped, no it was in a report from Hartlepool which I read out for Mrs E…

Not that Mrs E cannot read it is was just one of these things that you read out because you like to hear the words being said and I knew what the impact would have…Mrs E would agree that this was one of the reasons why we are no longer going to stay here and take anymore rubbish…

It started earlier today when we had to go to the bank and transfer some money to our Swedish bank account, you see in a civilised country you can do it all over the internet, for free, without having to set foot in their posh offices, but here in TGB you have to go to the bank and fill out a form, then pay your £35 fee and they will fax your request to head-office and then with some luck you’ll see your money in three days???

My Swedish bank claims that transferring money between accounts in Sweden or within the EU is free, but here it costs £35.00…why is it…I ask myself and later in the day when asking the surveyor who came around to The Barn and he said calmly…well that is rip off Britain for you…I am struggling to find anyone left in this country who does not consider leaving or strongly believe that we are being short changed….

I have always believed that I should speak up for what is right and wrong…

I am just appalled about the behaviour of one citizen of the Greatest Britain, namely a 27 year old man from Hartlepool who today brought this country further down the gutter…this is what he did…

A woman was walking home from a trip to the DIY store with some laminate boards under her arm when suddenly she collapsed. Spotting her was Anthony Anderson and his mates…so what did Mr Anderson do to assist a Citizen in need…steel the laminates…laugh at her? Or would he just ignore her? No in pure British yobbish style he approached her and tried to wake her by throwing a bucket of water over her. When this form of new “British Citizen Assist” did not work he got his friend to film using the “new weapon of choice” in the UK the mobile phone with a camera come video camera…whilst he urinated on her then sprayed her with shaving foam whilst saying this is “You Tube Material”…The woman was dying and in fact she did die from pancreatic failure…covered in diluted urine and Gillette foam…I bet Anthony Andersons parents are very proud today…

And I thought the Swedish people eating raw herring were weird…

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Friday, September 07, 2007

Hunting season extended...


I think it is now time to make my feelings known, unless there was any doubt before...that is...

I believe that the Greatest Britain is going down the tubes…

Yes it is not a happy time for me to say this as I, an ethnic minority, you see I am Swedish and foreign and I live in a country where people do not think and do things as us Swedes… that makes me an ethnic minority…plus the fact that there is only some 30 odd thousand Swedes in the UK, give and take a few thousand.

Switching on the news today was depressing; a celebration of the great Pavarotti’s life was first on the agenda and then the funeral of an eleven year old kid…

Both of them had a passion for life and were talented in their own way, Luciano was blessed with a voice that many would try to mimic…then the poor kid from Liverpool had had only one issue…he was born in the Greatest Britain . His life was cut short due to a “turf war” between gangs in Liverpool…who has heard something so stupid in there entire life?…turf war in Liverpool…I have to be careful what I say here because last time some said something bad about Liverpool he was asked to go and apologise to the citizens…I am sorry you can’t haul me up there, I am an ethnic minority and I will not go an apologise for anything as I don’t care anymore…

I have had enough…Put yourself in this situation…a mother or a father, remember this is the Greatest Britain so the likelihood is one or the other, sit at home, hear the BMX bike squeal to a halt. Snotty kid comes in, sweaty…first sign there, child arrives home sweaty and considering that this child has not done any exercise in 10 years would be a great sign that something is wrong...

Second sign… the child smells of gun powder…you don’t need to be an expert in gunpowder plots to work out what it smells like, all you need to do is to wait for the 5th of November work out what every kid in the Greatest Britain smells like and there you are…

Third sign…the kid has a shower or a bath and it turns out that it is not Christmas.

Fourth sign…your kid brings the clothes down to the washing machine and says “mum do I wash my hoodie on 40 or 60 degrees

5th sign…your kid asks in the middle of your favourite soap if you can switch over to Sky News…that is when you, as a parent, pick the phone up and say…”my kid is showing some unusual behaviour” as you should start to think like this...did my son just have a work out on his BMX, stopped to buy some rockets for Guy Fawkes, eventhough it is only September, decided he smells and needed a shower and develped some sort of strange interest in washing his clothes and picking up on the news…if not CALL THE POLICE...if you are lucky you’ll get a proper police officer, hopefully older than your child, to come around the house and arrest the little bugger…

You can now make £100,000 from selling your story to a “red top”, get a headline, and at least 60 free ciders down the local boozer…piece of cake…

As long of course you don’t light that Lambeth down the pub…cause it is against the law…

Times like this we expect the public to go nuts…calling for a culling and a hunting season on delinquent youths…imagine if you had free range to shoot the little buggers after 8pm…get a licence at the library from Mrs Woods and go hunting…what a great setup…

Schools would love it…less disruptive kids in class…no need to pick up the litter from the packed lunches…the results would go up, funding would increase per kid and no slutty overweight mum hanging around the school after close shouting “Paris”, Chantelle” “Brooklyn” come here now…

McDonalds would loose out though…no birthday parties with goody bags and poor Argos would have to lay people off…

Well…as I said I have had enough, I am packing up and moving out…where, how and when is just another story…perhaps I will become a teacher in Mr Woodentops Tory government and teach children how to become patriotic…that is of course if they’ll turn up?…
Mr Sniper might have got them outside the fish shop at 9pm…

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Thursday, September 06, 2007

Sing for Pavarotti


It is not very often that you read about celebrities and you are overcome by sadness. Most of the time you read about them having spent a huge amount of time and money on doing something stupid and costly. Of course you would only read this in a “scandalous newspaper in a format which is smaller than the Telegraph”…

I have spent a lot of time with various celebrities from film, television and the music scene, I would agree with those comments some people have read about, but one celebrity whose heart and mind which was won over on me years ago is facing difficulties, namely Luciano Pavarotti…

I worked with the Big man himself on a coupe of large events and concerts and found him most likeable. A person with whom you could sit down and discuss his trade, being music, and he would listen to what you had to say. Years ago I was invited by a record company to join them to discuss a particular concert and being the “new kid on the block” among people who had spent a lifetime in opera and classical music I was a bit nervous about the meeting. The meeting took place in his restaurant in Modena and after a hearty meal we sat down to discuss the “programme”, to which the record company were committing to, when the “Maestro” arrived at the table. An argument between our company and the Italian broadcaster was brewing at the top floor and I was asked to go and mediate. Considering my skills in classical music and Italian I decided that I should do what I do best…be Swedish and go for it but be firm and put the law down early…needless to say that I won and they all agreed.

I returned to table in the restaurant, which was closed other people at the time, well what did you expect the Big Swede was in town…
When I sat down I was “tested” by the Maestro who asked me about the “running order” and if agreed…I glanced over the sheet and I asked “What seems to be the problem?”

Pavarotti answered that he felt that the record company did not like the Lucia song he had added in the schedule to which I answered it is a lovely tune and that everyone in Scandinavia will know and like it…to which a record executive said “I do not know the tune…”

At this point I decided that Swedish singing would be the best medicine and I started to sing the tune of Santa Lucia…only to ensure that my record company bosses would know what was talking about. This was the moment when Pavarotti struck a cord with me started singing the tune with me to the amazement of everyone around the table…

How come a Swedish person who works in events and music knows the words and music the Santa Lucia? Well at that moment Pavarotti stopped singing looked at me and said “That is not the song”…

I froze at my seat looked him in the eye scrabbling for words when he suddenly said…I don’t know where you found this Swedish guy but I will work with him as he is the only one who has ever challenged me to sing…

So we did the concert “Pavarotti and Friends” and I am writing this because I am reading that the Big Man is not doing to well in hospital…and I wish him all the best…

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